Wednesday, December 25, 2002
A Daytona Beach Christmas Song

I didn't write this. It's been in a scrapbook of mine -- as a clipping from either the News-Journal or Orlando Sentinel (more likely, I believe, the former) without authorship attribution -- since sometime in the mid 1980s. Mail's been sent to Mr. Mark (Flablog) Lane asking him if he wrote it or knows who did. (Addendum: Here's Mr. Lane's Christmas column for this year.)

Nonetheless, for your holiday enjoyment, I present "The Daytona Beach Christmas Song". You know the tune: "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire", etc.
Chest hairs roasting under Coppertone
Jack Frost wearing his Speedos
Loud rock 'n' roll
Blasting through your headphones
And babes dressed up like real bimbos
Everybody knows...
Daytona is the beach to cruise
When it gets the least bit warm
Tiny tots running 'round on the loose
Are dead meat if into traffic they swarm
They say that Santa's on his way
Greased up to block out all those cancer-causing rays
And all the Harley guys just might
Drink lots of beer, raise holy hell tonight, etc...